I’ve been battling insomnia and worry around work issues.
You’ve been extremely kind and helpful – while also not allowing me to wallow.
This morning, you basically told me to turn my stress switch off. Easier said than done, but that’s okay.
I took it as a call to be diligent and do the things that I can do. That’s all I can do. That’s all you can do.
Do what we can and trust God with the rest.
We all have times when we feel overwhelmed but can’t explain exactly why.
Various stressors converge all at once. Our mind wanders into catastrophe-mode where it should or not. We end up wanting to just cry.
Sometimes I feel that way. Sometimes you feel that way.
Last night, you felt that way. But you let me hold you and just be there with you. I don’t mean to make your stress moment about me, but it meant a lot to be able to just lie there with you and be your husband.
I hate it when you feel sad or stressed or overwhelmed, but that’s what I’m there for and I pray you always let me be the person you need me to be in those moments.
Thursday, July 31 – Day 186
Today was not an easy day (for you, which of course, means it wasn’t awesome for me either).
Back spasms. Tagging (consigning) with kids going crazy. And a few other things.
No worries though. The day is over (by about a month and a half as I’m finishing up this post).
One thing we’ve learned: Every day ain’t one of them walks in the park.
May I be honest?
I wouldn’t want to live this particular evening over again. It wasn’t the the best evening of my life.
It was sad and stressful. And my manhood was on the line to a certain extent. Maybe it was on the line legitimately, maybe not. Probably a little of both.
Our discussions really centered around how well we could move forward and not be enslaved financially. We have to work together. We have to be committed to a plan and execute it.
I have to give my all at work or be proactive in finding additional work.
This is the case, though: We have to bring all of ourselves to the table at all times if we want to be an 80 year old couple that holds hands and looks longingly in each other’s eyes whenever we’re not eating lemon meringue pie.
That’s what I want. What can we do now, at 42 and 39 respectively, so we have the type of marriage at 80 that makes folk singers write songs about sweet old people love?
Today I finally sat down to do taxes (about 10 days before the day of reckoning, AKA April 15).
I discovered that a decision made regarding retirement funds wasn’t done correctly.
As a result, my stupidity results in quite a different scenario this year as far as refunds and additional owed, etc.
I was a zombie the rest of the day.
I pray by the time you read this (my intention was our 10th anniversary, so I have 1 year and about a month), that we’ll have all of this under control. God willing and with quite a bit more discipline.
I’ve been absolutely stressed as of late. I wear too many hats at my current job. I have 3 or 4 side gigs going on. I’m trying to keep up, but I’m getting ornery.
You told me that something needs to stop. I need to not keep adding to my plate in order to prove that I’m worth something at work or otherwise.
You said, “You can’t sustain what you’re doing and you shouldn’t have to keep adding stuff in order to try to force a raise. It won’t work. You’ll do too much and won’t be able to do it well.”
I needed to hear it. So thank you. I love you for telling me to shed some baggage.
Now I’m not sure what to shed – I wish you had the crystal ball to tell me that, but either way, thank you for forcing it.
Let’s see if I listen.
Maybe it’s a first world problem, but you know, I don’t care.
We have plenty to eat and a mostly safe place to sleep and access to health care. So yes, we do have it good.
But then there is this other thing. The thing where we do have plenty to eat and a place to stay, but the constant demands that those things require of us can become overwhelming. It’s our fault mostly, but still it is what it is.
And then there’s scheduling and work commitments and comparison traps and school forms to be signed and so forth and so on.
Life comes at us from every direction and quite frankly, I just want to sit and let it pummel me sometimes.
I love you and in a way kind of miss you. I texted you that we need to have a date, but I’m not sure how to pull it off in the next couple days. We need it though. We need to shut the firehose of stuff for just a few moments, maybe a couple hours and go get a sandwich and take a walk.
You and I need to connect. We really need this.