Because Being Married and Being a Parent is Rigged

I’m not sure if this fits cleanly into the ‘Why I love you’ formula, but I thought about it this morning at my men’s Bible study.

Many people approach marriage and being a parent as the next thing that will make them happy.

How many people have thought…

If only I were married, then…

If only we had kids, then…

The ‘then’ is often something along the lines of ‘then I’ll be fulfilled’ or ‘then I’d be happy’ or ‘then I’d find my purpose.’

While those might be true to some excuse, I’ve found that being married and being a parent doesn’t lead to glorious bliss and self-actualization.

The institutions of parenting and marriage were created by God not only for our pleasure and to populate the planet and whatnot, but also to refine us.

Refiners Fire

The ‘then’ to me is ‘then God will show me what it really means to love someone and where I need to allow Him to change me.’

I say being married and being a parent is rigged in that those who think it’s all about their fulfillment forget that God set the deal up. And while He’s concerned with our joy and our ability to love and be loved and create decent human children, He also is concerned that we become the people He created us to be.

Marriage and parenting are simply two of His tools to do so (see Eph 2:10).

I love you because God knew what I needed. So He gave me you and our children, not only to love and cherish, but to do some of His refining and sanctifying work through you.