I’ve been battling insomnia and worry around work issues.
You’ve been extremely kind and helpful – while also not allowing me to wallow.
This morning, you basically told me to turn my stress switch off. Easier said than done, but that’s okay.
I took it as a call to be diligent and do the things that I can do. That’s all I can do. That’s all you can do.
Do what we can and trust God with the rest.
There’s nothing more to say about this than simply posting the picture:
One of the sweetest compliments you could receive
On Day 27, I took our daughter to gymnastics and then to practice her back float.
We’re in process of teaching her how to do the back float so she can move up in her swimming lessons.
She struggles with lying on her back and relaxing and allowing the water to hold her up.
I struggled with putting into words the right way for her to do it. But she kind of did it. Hopefully, it’ll be enough for them to move her along.
But there was a lesson – a small one. The back float is about lying on something that doesn’t seem like it can support you. You lay there and trust this liquid to keep your body up. You have to relax in order to allow the water to do the work.
You know that I try to live a life of faith. I believe in God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit and the Bible and in prayer.
But the most difficult thing to trust God with has been our marriage and our roles as parents. I want to help Him out in areas that aren’t my responsibility. I’m like our daughter and tense up in some strange effort to help the water. It’s not intentional. It’s not on purpose. I can’t help it at times.
That said, I’m not always sure what ‘trusting God in marriage and parenting’ always looks like, but perhaps it is leaving your heart, primarily, in the hands and care of God. Trusting God means I pray for you. It means I’m honest with you. It means I share my struggles, fears, joys, and victories with you, even if, at times, you’re not sure what to do with them all.
You are my partner. You are who God put me with. I need to just float on the water of His grace and mercy and sovereignty.
I’m not talking about huge gobs of grace (although yes, you have, in the past, been called to give me way more grace than I ever should have required of you).
But as of this writing, you give me grace as follows:
- To get up and out of the house early to do participate with a couple groups of guys that are trying to grow spiritually.
- To go a little high on my Weight Watchers points without ridiculing me as if I’m a tub-o-lard. (kind of a joke).
- To grow better as a financial provider
- To be better as a fix-it dude around the house (thanks for not pressuring me too much on projects that I’m pretty much clueless about).
- Because I’m a jerk sometimes (like how I’m way overly picky about how the dishwasher is filled).
- When I’m in a foul mood… you know when to send me to the room for a 15.
- When I’ve eaten too many black beans (yes, you know what I’m talking about).
In general, you’re gracious and forgiving.
I appreciate that very, very much.
Right now, your heart is breaking a little over something that is going on.
You question if you’ve handled things well. You’re hurting for a few other folks involved. You’re trying not to allow resentment and anger at others rule you.
I’m honestly at a loss for how to help you. I want to give you rest from it and a little distraction. I want to give you whatever wisdom I can. I want to listen.
My biggest prayer is for our family. That the five of us are protected and cared for. I pray for wisdom for me how best to lead us right now.
I pray for you. That you know and don’t forget Ps. 139:14
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful. I know that full well.
Like all of us–even me right now, you forget that you have been crafted. I forget that I was crafted. God made you. God knows your heart. God loves you deeply. You are His, above all else–more than you are mine. More than anybody’s words have power over you. You are His. His Words are the words that matter.
His Words say that you are a daughter of God.
His Words say that you were called out.
His Words say that you no longer live, but Christ lives in you.
His Words say that the meek will inherit the earth.
His Words can heal–want to heal.
You are special beyond special. You are precious beyond precious. I, even, am not worthy of the woman that you are. (not that I’m a piece of crap or some out of this world dude–just a guy trying to get better a little every day).
Be with Tina. Speak peace to her heart. Give her strength that she doesn’t think she has.
Not a person named Grace. Because of an unmerited gift (that old evangelical Christian definition of grace), I love you.
This gift runs two ways:
- You are a gift to me–one I didn’t earn and still haven’t ‘earned’. You are a gift of grace, fully unmerited favor.
- I can only love insomuch as I’m graced to be able to… this doesn’t meant that I only love you because God makes me. It just means that I only do it well when I’m walking more consistently under the grace of God.
So… you are a gift and my love to you is only powerful when it’s empowered by God’s grace.
Sometimes I think you deserve so much more than what I give. In the end, we all deserve so much more than any of us are truly capable of giving. More accurately, we all need so much more than any one person can provide. We don’t really deserve anything in particular.
We need tons. You fill a lot of that for me. And I hope I provide a smidge for you.
I love you!