I decided (maybe had it decided for me) that I shouldn’t write the post before I actually do the thing, but after. It might carry more weight.
The dare for yesterday: In addition to avoiding negative comments, buy your spouse something that says you were thinking of her.
I bought Junior Mints and Twizzlers. I also went to the fabric store to check on the possibility of putting a sewing machine on layaway, but I realize this isn’t 1982. I’m not sure if layaway is an option anywhere anymore outside of K-Mart.
The four bullet points that authors Stephen and Alex Kendrick offer are:
- Do I truly want what’s best for you?
- Do I want you to feel loved by me?
- Do you believe I have your best interests in mind?
- Do you see me as looking out for myself first?
Well, I feel like I come through these items with flying colors. But if I dig deeper, my answer isn’t so simple.
I feel like I want the best for you, but my actions don’t always have your best in mind. Sometimes, I have my own comfort in mind. Sometimes I have my own agenda. Sometimes I manipulate a situation. Sometimes my acts of kindness have some secret, hidden motive—sometimes it’s an accidental hidden motive.
The point is that I can work on 1 and 2: wanting the best for you (which I honestly feel I do, but I get lazy in my actions) and wanting you to feel loved by me—even BE loved by me.
On points 3 and 4, I can’t know unless I ask you. Do you believe I have your best interests in mind? Do you see me as looking out for me first, then you and then the kids? (We did have a little tiff recently that indicated that you might feel like I’m pretty caught up in my own world and priorities—and I’ve had that as a point to work on since then).
So not being selfish is the goal, buying something for you is the dare. I bought you candy. I wanted to buy a sewing machine. On the sewing machine, my motive is simply this: To affirm your desire to create and learn a skill that you’ve been wanting to learn for a good long while now.
What I probably need to work on more:
- Watch how I use my time.
- Watch how I act at home.
- Watch to see if I fade into my own little world vs giving myself to you and the kids.
Those are probably more helpful than a gift, although, let’s face it, gifts are awesome.
Today’s challenge: Love is Thoughtful—Contact your spouse sometime during the day with no agenda except to ask how things are going or if there’s anything he/she needs.
Challenge Accepted. 🙂