Day 186- Thursday 7/31/14
We’ve had a couple interesting conversations recently. Conversations that don’t leave me feeling awesome about my skills as a financial provider.
I know this isn’t the place to air dirty laundry, but I wanted to give context.
You are the most important person in my life. And while you are the most important person in my life, I still can’t allow your ebbs and flows to determine my states of mind at any given moment.
Similarly, you can’t allow my moods to determine your current feelings.
I believe that’s what codependence is or what can lead to codependence.
I have to love you enough not to get swept up in your crazy when you’re going through a rough patch. And you can’t afford to allow yourself to get caught up in my crazy or feelings of insecurity.
The biggest thing, though, is we can’t get in the habit of giving ourselves over to our rough spots. Just because we feel something, doesn’t mean our actions have to follow.
And that’s something I’m trying to learn. If I don’t catch myself and correct myself or understand why I’m having an angry, insecure, lashing out moment, then it can lead to this habit of demanding my rights. I don’t have that right – not if my heart is to have a growing, healthy marriage and family. If I give a crap about you and our children and our future, then nope, I don’t have the right to be a jerk and stay there. Regardless of the circumstances, I gave up that right.
So… The point of this post is simply to recommit to keeping my side of the street clean. I need to be aware of my habits. And I need to watch myself.
And I need to love you unconditionally like Christ loves the church. There’s no person on this earth who is ALWAYS easy to love. Neither you nor I am always the sweetest, most lovable individuals in the world at all times. That’s too much to ask of anybody.
I love you when you’re unloveble. And I pray that you love me when I’m unlovable. That’s a good habit to put into practice.
I love you. I love us.