Inspired by your intention for us to start going through The Love Dare daily devotional, I decided to go back to going through The Love Dare. I’m on Day 12 (again).
Today’s Dare: Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first. -p 59.
Reading through this dare, I remembered that I’m relatively good at this. I’m not perfect. I get uptight about silly things like how the dishwasher is loaded. I sometimes want certain things around the house done a certain way, but I also normally don’t stress about it.
Do We Believe the Best or Expect the Worst?
That said, the dare also reminded me of Andy Stanley’s Staying in Love message series, especially #4. Stanley talks about managing the gaps between our expectations about each other’s behavior.
In other words, if one of us is late, do we assume the worst–that the other person was inconsiderate and lazy or do we believe the best that they really tried to get home on time, but traffic was bad or some other thing happened? It’s a world of difference if we tend toward one or the other.
Letting you ‘win’ is less about being right. It’s more about being merciful. It’s about trusting that your heart is inclined toward me. If I’m really upset about something, then it’s up to me to speak calmly with you about it. But in general, I need to choose the best that when you say something that I feel might be an insult, that maybe you mean something else. I don’t have to assume you have an ‘angry’ tone in a text.
You Can Be Right or You Can Love
Also, I heard someone say this: You can either be right or you can love? Which is more important?
If I’m so hell-bent on being right and on winning and defending myself, then I’m not making room to make loving choices. If I’m your husband, it’s more important for me to love you… not be right.
This one is in the ‘shame on me’ category.
The other day, you came downstairs while I was watching something wholesome like Dexter, and dropped off The Love Dare Day by Day: A Year of Devotions for Couples. You said, ‘We’re starting this next week.
Then today you sent me this this text:
Brrrr. It’s cold outside. Evening of cuddles and blankets. No social media! Twice a week we put it away during evening hours.
Two great ideas:
- A daily devotional
- No social media a couple nights a week.
Pardon if this sounds a wee bit chauvinistic, but I wish that I brought up the ideas! I’ll do my best to help implement, though. I decided a few weeks ago, that my relationship with you is the keystone in my life. While my relationship with God us ultimately the most important, it seems that if I have good you-me relationship habits in place, it kind of aligns my relationship with God and then the kids and also work.
It’s crazy how keystone habits or commitments work to keep things straight. You keep me straight. I appreciate it.
Yesterday, I opened the dishwasher to find these orange and black bowls you bought specifically for this chili fall dinner party we’re having. Out of the blue, you invited new friends over (which is pretty awesome in and of itself) to hang out at our house.
Right now, it’s true that our house could use some TLC. We need to paint some places here and there. We need to bring our backyard into submission.
But you said this, “I want our children to remember having people over and getting to know new people.”
I’m glad you’re not waiting till we have the perfect party house. And I wish I had pictures of your decorations. The convergence of your imagination and Pinterest has created quite the party planner!
Thanks for setting it up. And thanks for letting me cook my chili!
Happy Fall, Sweet Lady of Mine!
It’s around Halloween and our boys wanted to be:
1. Sam-I-Am (from Green Eggs and Ham)
2. Huey (the green bird from Oh Say What You Say by Dr. Seuss).
They are truly Seuss crazy!
Well, you found a pattern that should have worked. You and your mom (until she busted her knee, poor woman!) worked on the pattern and tried to figure out. It wasn’t the simplest project for you to start on, but I pray you continue to work on it!
It was fun to get home and see the patterns and fabric and your new Christmas present sewing machine out on the dining room table. And I’m glad I didn’t step on a needle or pin. I hear that’s a typical hazard for husbands of women who sew (and I’m sure it’s a hazard for wives of men who sew).
My main point here: I love that you’re learning to sew and that you want to do cool stuff like make Dr. Seuss costumes for our boys as there just isn’t a huge selection at Target.
It might not be a reason that I love you, but it’s something I’m excited about.
I can’t wait to take 2-3 days sans children and hang with you (and our two friends, of course, but mostly just you).
Walking around in Charleston. Drinking a little wine. Enjoying, hopefully, slightly cooler, yet beachy air.
I’m looking forward to this weekend.
We need some recharging.
I heard Andy Stanley’s message ‘This One Thing’ from 1/8/12 today.
The simple gist: What is the one thing, that if I concentrated on it all year, would make all the difference in the world?
I know it’s late in the year, but what is one thing for me to work or focus on? I listen to this via this idea of ‘keystone habits’. You know, a habit like: If I jog every day, then I start to eat better, sleep better, watch less TV, etc. It might be: If I eat more veggies, then all the sudden I start exercising and acting nicer, etc. Or at work: If I make cold calls, whether effective or not, somehow my other disciplines fall into line.
A keystone habit drives good choices elsewhere.
To me, if I focus on the One Thing of being the best husband to you that I possibly can, work, parenting, exercise, even finances, start falling into line.
So… you’re my one thing for the rest of the year. Obviously, you’re my one woman, but I want to get better at being your man this year. I want to have an awesome marriage. I want to love, serve, and lead you.
I’m doing a great work–being your husband–and can’t come down (can’t sacrifice focus on you for other things that vy for my attention).